I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
