I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
