even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think i have two assholes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
