is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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