I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
