Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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