My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
