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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
