just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
