So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
