Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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