so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
