I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
