I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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