My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
