Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
