Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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