when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
