Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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