last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
