matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
