i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
