just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
