I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
