What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
