wrigley field is MILF paradise
its not stalking. its research.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
