what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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