i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
