The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
