That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
