Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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