So drunk, too bad you don't want this
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
