scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
