physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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