The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
