I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
