im holly from the hills drunk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
