Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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