I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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