Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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