I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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