We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
