I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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