Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
