I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
