I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
