Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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