i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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