im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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