There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
