actually, I'm a sock model
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.