What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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