its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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