So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
