there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
