Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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