You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
