i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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