dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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