He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
