This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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