you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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