I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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