then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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