He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
