wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
