The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
