return my video game
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
