i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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