what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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