can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
