dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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