The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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