Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
