Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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