Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
