I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
