Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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