It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
