You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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