im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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