the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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